Dear
Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you
forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to
show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been hell.Your boss called to
tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut,
had cooked your favorite meal & even
wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went
straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me
you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as
husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me
anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Regards,
Your EX-Husband
(P.S. don’t try to
find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together!
Have a great life!)
_________________________________________________________________________________
Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day
more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married
for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I
watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining
& griping Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a
hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look
just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you
can’t say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my
favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I
stopped eating pork 7 years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned
away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still & I prayed it
was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that
morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work
it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job
& bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone..
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the
fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you
wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed,
Your
Ex-Wife,
Rich As Hell & Free!
( P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you
this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem. )
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